Category: Important Concepts

  • The Struggle To Engage

    conquest
    The Spanish Conquest of the New World was simply one example of power dynamics.

    I have not written in my blog now for over three months. For me, it has been a major struggle to engage, initially due to travel requirements but especially so after the American election. Since that time, I have been pondering my difficulty.

    My struggle has not been acedia per se (see previous posts beginning 20160802), although that was my immediate concern (given my studies of acedia) — it is more that I have felt traumatized by the election of Donald Trump, and the likely consequences thereby. For myself in particular, I know that I am strongly introverted, and that most of my life, I have defined myself as a poustinik, a hermit who is available when asked. From the past year or so, I have been attempting to engage in climate activism, but have found it to be exhausting. I don’t engage well in groups, and especially I flounder when I do not have a designated task to give me focus. And I am very sensitive to the pain of others.

    All that definitely is part of my personal pattern that predisposes me to acedia in response to climate change. I know for example that I have been avoiding writing (which often gives me clarity of my internal process). And I definitely experience a push-pull regarding global warming — more and more we are at risk of extinction as a species: I want to resolve it, and I want to avoid it. Yet, as noted, I am not at high risk of the profound avoidance that characterizes acedia.

    Regarding the precepts that counteract acedia (wisdom, discipline, hope and playfulness), I have been aware that I do not have the wisdom to know what to do, other than ponder. I am very disciplined (with daily yoga, meditation, and attention to health, amongst other resources). However, given the immensity of the negative forces creating climate change, I have little to no hope that we will survive.

    And I have difficulty being playful with the topic. If there is a God, I am quite willing to turn the issues over to him/her, but I find it difficult to be joyous or playful with this possibility. If there is no God, then humanity is clearly demonstrating its ineffectiveness as a species (and even if there is a God).

    It is this latter possibility, the ineffectiveness of our species, that is my current focus of pondering, especially in light of again encountering some of the writings of E. Richard Sorenson, a cultural anthropologist who has studied numerous isolates of human culture in various domains. In his work, Sorenson distinguished between “preconquest” consciousness, characteristic of many indigenous cultures, and “postconquest,” characteristic of modern life (conquest referring to the Spanish invasion of the New World). In particular, this quote from his writings about the primitive societies he explored has struck me as vital:

    For several years after I began contacting preconquest peoples like those described above, I considered their type of consciousness an oddity, a kind of naive primitive emotionality, one perhaps suitable only for small, isolated groups, but certainly for no one else. It took a long time for me to realize that they had evolved their own sophisticated type of cognition that was simply different from what I (or anyone I knew) was used to. And I came to realize that such mentality could not be considered primitively ignorant if only because it was so sensitively intelligent and beneficially responsive. It moved more facilely, more harmoniously, and more constructively than do the mentalities associated with today’s postconquest world. Furthermore, it provided for an astonishingly rewarding and zestful life [emphasis added].

    Sorenson in particular identified that the encounter between preconquest consciousness and postconquest invariably led to devastation of the richness of preconquest life. What I would add to this is that this devastation is the same process of power that I gleaned from The Parable of The Tribes, written about in earlier posts. Unfortunately, our 10,000 years of civilization are based upon the power dynamics of conquest, and as such are not compatible with effective living as human beings. We must find a way to what I would call transconquest consciousness, combining the richness of preconquest with the technological advances of postconquest.

    I first encountered Sorenson’s writings as a result of working with my PhD advisor Christian de Quincey, professor of consciousness studies at JFK University in California. Christian’s entire approach to living changed when he first encountered Sorenson’s work, realizing that his own conquistadorial approach was not compatible with effective living.

    In retrospect, I now recognize that the distinctions drawn by Sorenson are those that have devastated my life in many ways, ranging from early childhood experience to the defense of my PhD dissertation. They are also fully consistent with all I have learned of human dynamics in my 25 years of being a therapist. They form the basis of the traumas that underlie the mechanisms of cultural acedia (as developed in my dissertation and book Acedia, The Darkness Within, and the darkness of climate change). I feel fortunate that my intellect has allowed me to survive these traumas, although with considerable restrictions.

    Unfortunately this gives me little satisfaction or hope that we will survive as a species. However, I will continue to engage in whatever way I can.

    One of the ways I will do this is to post my email anger program to this blog. I have had good feedback, but limited sign-up. Rather than simply let the program die, I will post it for others to access if desired.

     

    For the interested reader, I have included two references on Sorenson’s and de Quincey’s writings. I recommend both highly.

    de Quincey, C. (2000). “Consciousness and Conquest.” From Maaber blog, http://www.maaber.org/sixth_issue/epistemology_2e.htm, accessed 2017 January 5th.

    Sorenson, E. R. (1998). “Preconquest Consciousness.” From Ran Prieur blog, http://ranprieur.com/readings/preconquest.html, accessed 2017 January 5th.

  • Being A Resource Seeking A Need, Part 4

    contribution6
    The difficulty is to match the pieces.

    These few posts are on the difficulty I have being retired — I still want to contribute, but largely I find myself being a resource looking for a need. Wanting to contribute has been a life-long pattern for me; most of my career choices have resulted from this. (Most of my relationship issues arose because I did not know how to relate to others — only in the past twenty years have I been more successful in relationship — most of the time).

    I also did my PhD from this perspective of needing to contribute. I wanted to take my work to a higher level (unsuccessful), and I wanted to research the issues that had limited me as a therapist (successful).

    These issues — laziness and fearfulness on the part of clients (I later added self-righteousness) — showed up with about 25% of clients; people would attend regularly to my therapy groups (sometimes for years), but some would sit like bumps on a log, almost never openly engaging in their own work. Some would do work, but somehow never at the depth needed.

    Without being pejorative or judgmental, I came to think of these people as affected by laziness or fearfulness. If given simple tasks, they would forget or be too busy (laziness) or they might tell me of being afraid of the consequences of doing the tasks (fearfulness). Nothing I did as a therapist would change this. For example, I recall one guy who worked for me for four years, almost never actively participating, when one day, he spontaneously said: “I finally get it. I have to do the work! You can’t do it for me.” Wow.

    As I studied these issues, I came to think of laziness and fearfulness as spiritual or existential issues. They were simply life choices as to attitude, choices made to avoid the pain of living. My only resource as therapist was to challenge the client — by pointing out the pattern. If then the client chose to do the work, to act in spite of the laziness or fearfulness, the work was relatively easy. If the client chose not to do so, there was nothing I could do besides acceptance and the provision of safety.

    Because of my knowledge of emotional triangles, I was very aware of the maxim: Don’t push the River; it flows by itself. (However, from time to time, I do get caught wanting to push.)

    emotionsmapWhen I still worked as a therapist, most of my work was with anger management, but the processes I used were easily translated to all emotions. For me, emotions are simply life energy to which I give meaning and direction. If I believe I am not safe because of what you are doing (and still have some sense of my own power), but meanwhile I believe that you are more powerful than I am, I call my energy fear (F) — I want to move away from you. If I believe I am more powerful than you, likely I will call my energy anger (A) — I want to move against you. Or, if I sink down (usually because of internal conflict), I call my state sad (S). Thus, when in explaining emotions to others, I diagram them with a circular graph (wherein I also include joy).

    I make a major distinction concerning emotions when I feel powerless. Here I experience my emotions as much stronger, perhaps overwhelmed by the intensity — I give them different names: terror (T), rage (R), despair (D), and ecstasy (E).

    acediamapThe issues I wanted to study for my PhD (laziness, fearfulness, and self-righteousness) are also emotions, although they are usually described as behaviors. They would show up with particular clients — people who would attend regularly (sometimes for years), but somehow would not engage in the work. Nothing I did as a therapist would change this.

    As I studied these issues, I came to think of laziness and fearfulness as spiritual or existential issues. They were simply life choices as to attitude, choices made to avoid the pain of living; these choices occur when we are chronically overwhelmed by our emotions — we numb out, and thus these states come to seem like behaviours.

    This research into laziness and fearfulness (together with self-righteousness) eventually became a study of acedia, an ancient term, but one that I recognized as consistent with any combination of laziness, fearfulness and/or self-righteousness which interfered with authenticity. It also confirm my recognition of the difficulty of laziness and fearfulness (as well as self-righteousness) as a spiritual-existential issue, and deepened my appreciation for the struggle to be human. (One outcome of all this was my second book Acedia, The Darkness Within.)

    These experiences (emotions/behaviors) are also the features of burnout. In the complexity of our modern world, it is easy to feel powerless, to feel overwhelmed, and to move into acedia and burnout. (I have previously described acedia and burnout in more detail in previous postings — five on acedia commencing 20160730 and three on burnout commencing 20160829.)

    To be continued.

  • Being A Resource Seeking A Need

    contribution6
    The difficulty is to match the pieces.

    I’m retired, and I find now that essentially I am being a resource looking for a need. Periodically I find something I can do, something to pass the time, but seldom do I find a way that I can contribute. I suspect that this is typical of many people who are retired. I also suspect that anyone who is unemployed (involuntarily retired) struggles with these issues. So I invite the reader to think about your own life, and what you offer.

    In this post and the next three or four, I’m going to tell the story of how my work has evolved. And of how I still seek to be a resource.

    In retrospect I have always been a resource looking for a need. I am also very aware that there are two types of resources:

    • contribution (gifting), and
    • seduction (wanting something in return)

    And it is always a mixture. In my case, I predominantly want to contribute, but if I make a little money in the process, it is bonus — I like to have the occasional treat.

    Another way I have said this is that there are only two things I can do with people.

    • I can give them a gift of my time or my energy.
      • A gift has no price tag, absolutely none, not even a thank you! Yet I gain merit (personal valuation) from gifts — part of the paradox of life!
    • I can do something for which I expect reciprocity (a transaction for payment!).
      • I do not gain merit from this; I resent when I don’t get paid!

    For me, maintaining clarity concerning these two is absolutely essential to effective living.

    So what is my need to contribute.? Principally to be complete in my life, to be used up in the process of living. In essence God (life, mystery, the universe — whatever word you want to use) has gifted me, and I want to gift back. As far as I can tell, it seems to be a fundamental human need.

    But in particular, I find that I am still looking for a need to which I can be a resource. I strongly believe that at some deep level within our society there is a huge need for what I have to offer, but I have yet to find a way to access it. Because of my work as a therapist, I am convinced that our world is also very afraid of what I offer — in-depth authenticity.

    Retirement is an interesting word. If you think about recreation as re-creation, a shift to a new mode of being, then re-tirement is meant to be a new clothing, a transformation to a new way of being. Ideally, the process coincides with the late life transition to eldership.

    I certainly find that my last few years have been in the nature of a transition. But I had not expected it to be so painful. My mid-life transition was very painful, and I had done immense personal growth since that time. I easily recall a number of times when I thought the next transition would be relatively easy. Not so!

    My Western society is also very poor at transitions; there are almost none of the initiation rites of passage that are present in indigenous societies (and so essential to healthy living). In particular, my society regards retirement as a mythical state where one plays golf all day and is supposed to be happy — such a load of crap wherein the skills of a lifetime are discarded.

    To be continued.

  • A Week of Unusual Contemplative Practice

    contactimprov3
    Meeting in spontaneity.

    As of tomorrow, I will be off to a week of unusual contemplative practice; I’m attending a workshop on Contact Improvisation, a dance form characterized by interaction, physical contact, and spontaneity. I’ve only had a brief introduction previously, but I very much enjoyed the combination of high energy and peacefulness in the process.

    I call it contemplative practice partly because the center where I am going blends vipassana meditation, tai chi, and dance practice. The facilitator also acknowledges that, like vipassana: “On the rare occasions that I can maintain this awareness [of practice] while dancing, the dancing is most rewarding, soft, subtle, fast but gentle.”

    For me, some form of contemplative practice is essential to personal maturity as well as cultural maturity. But contemplative practice is not easily understood in our modern fast-paced society. It is not a quick fix!

    In one sense, contemplative practice is the practice and development of awareness, a term that is also not well understood, but a process that was the mainstay of my professional life. My original training as a therapist was in Gestalt Therapy, a therapy that emphasized awareness, contact, and personal responsibility. So, if I ask someone what he or she is aware of, I will often be told what that person is thinking; this is specifically not what I am seeking.

    Awareness is attention to one’s spontaneously emerging perceptions — it is awareness of the details of the sensory world (both the outside world and that inside the body); it is the data underlying what the individual is thinking (wherein the individual blends this sensory data with past experience to create the current story they are thinking). Contact is the active meeting of the world at this sensory interface, and personal responsibility is both response-ability and account-ability, being available to this meeting.

    Nowadays, contemplation goes by many names; it is called mindfulness, meditation, prayer, amongst other terms. Common to all religious systems, it often has (and historically had) overtones of prayer, but need not; in the past decade, it has very much entered mainstream psychology, and is a major skill for the individual so as to center him- or herself. Mindfulness is almost the latest buzzword of psychology.

    shipatseaMy best way of describing all this is via a metaphor — that of a sailing ship. Imagine an old-fashioned sailing ship, with sails, helm and rudder, potentially managed by an effective Captain and a crew of well-organized Sailors. What would happen to such a ship if there were no helm or rudder? It would drift with the wind. Or such a ship without sails? It would go nowhere. No wind, and even with sails and rudder, it would flounder. Plus the ship needs a good Captain and a well-trained crew.

    Now — considering yourself as this ship, what within you corresponds to the rudder and helm? the sails? the wind? a Captain? the sailors? My answers:

    • the helmsman-helm-rudder system: the conscious mind, able to guide the ship once effective decisions are made (and mutiny is no longer an option).
    • the sails: my other-than-conscious mind, that component of myself that actually does the work, the source of my life energy and my vitality.
    • the wind: from whence comes the origin of my life energy. Depending on interpretation, this could be a deeper realm of the other-than-conscious, or it could be my interface with Spirit/Creator/… (your choice).
    • the sailors: my inner chatter to myself, principally the means by which I are aware of my other-than-conscious mind. The transformation of the sailors from that of mutiny (this is a very common situation for many people) to that of an effective working crew is one of the major skills necessary to maturity).
    • the captain: essentially my decision maker, ideally my wise one. This is who I am when I function in the way which really satisfies me, a person with authentic personal power.

    Please note that in all this, the goal is that of integration of conscious and other-than-conscious (a life-long task). Also note that the main source of power comes from the other-than-conscious, be that simply the depth of one’s interiority and/or from a deeper source called God (for lack of a better term).

    The importance of contemplative practice is that it accesses this other-than-conscious — in a secular sense, the depth of one’s interiority, in a spiritual sense, the deeper source called God. So, aside from the fact that the week will likely be great fun (important in itself), it is this that I seek in the coming week of contemplative practice as contact improvisation.

  • Whom Do You Trust? (Part 2)

    trust2
    Trust is learned by risking!

    In the last post, I suggested that the most important question of the 21st century is: “Whom or what do you trust?” Our culture is in data overload, giving major attention to the latest “scientific research” and the latest expert, yet not valuing our own wisdom.

    I was struck by the following statement in the opening of the latest on-line course to reach my desk: “For centuries most emotions were demonized, viewed as weaknesses and avoided at all costs. But recent research has proven how emotion can be a powerful tool in shaping our connection to others and motivating us to change. [emphasis added]” Yes, emotions were demonized, but why do we need “recent research” to prove the value of emotions — is it not obvious?

    My searching for what to trust

    I have six university degrees, all of them in some field of science — 21 years of exposure to world knowledge and 73 years of exposure to life. My major interests are consciousness, spirituality and food-nutrition. In all of this, I am aware of shifting fads, mainly driven by greed, said to be “well researched” or “based on recent research.” Yet these fads are generally driven by premises with which I have long disagreed.

    Despite years of seeking, I have found no better answer to this question of trust than “I trust myself.” But it has taken a lot of personal growth work to get to this point. And I am very fortunate that I have been able to educate myself in diverse fields. Most people are not that lucky.

    I am committed to developing for myself what I call an integrated worldview. I seek a framework for living wherein I am able to fall back on basic principles that guide me in responding to what life offers. This framework must fit with my life experience, and if necessary, I will change the frame to accommodate what life offers. I will not dismiss what life offers so as to hold onto the frame.

    The most effective way in which I have done this is to periodically examine my Truths? list — short statements of my beliefs, revisited every year or so to assess if what I have written is still true for me. I started it almost 30 years ago, and it now comprises over thirty pages. It remains incredibly valuable to me.

    I recognize that there is much that I do not understand (yet is not to be discarded — it is authentically what life offers). Thus, (metaphorically) I carry a large container of “not knowing.” In contrast, much of what I encounter is someone else’s explanation of what life offers — I do discard much of this, unless it offers truth.

    What I trust

    • I trust my Truths?, my searching for understanding.
    • I trust my own experience (which I corroborate with my integrated worldview): my civilization is in trouble; there is massive social inequity (the dynamics of power); there are more people on the roads and in the stores (increasing population); there are more people being anger and frustrated (increasing world stress); the world is getting warmer (global warming).
    • I trust the mystical experiences with which I have been gifted: the universe is greater than I am, and I am not in charge. I trust the events of synchronicity that I have experienced — many unexpected turning points have occurred in my life; they have changed me in untold ways.
    • I trust the universe as based on four basic premises, what I consider as the moral imperatives (mainly as presented by Thomas Berry in The Great Work): community (everything is connected to everything else), diversity (everything is different from everything else), subjectivity (interiority becomes more obvious with complexity), and change (everything changes over time).
      • When these principles are followed, life succeeds. When any one of them is discarded, violations occur.
    • I trust scientific principles, but not scientism. (What is often called science these days is often simply data collection based on a particular premise or bias.) I trust the consensus of knowledgeable people, individuals who are recognized experts in their fields, when the underlying principles are consistent with my worldview.
      • I trust consensus decisions in native or indigenous communities more than I trust such decisions in ivory tower universities or multi-national corporations: some communities are closer to the earth.
    • When the data and/or view does not fit my worldview, yet seems to be consistent with sound science, I hold the information in abeyance, “not knowing.”
    • I trust the dynamics of authentic democracy.
      • As such, authentic democracy requires I trust the dynamics of nonviolent civil disobedience (but there is risk — the more anger, the less nonviolent behavior).
    • I do not trust processes based on the dynamics of power — power corrupts.
      • When basic principles are circumvented so as to validate data, I do not trust such processes.

    I trust others when it is clear to me that they are seeking their own growth.

  • Whom do You Trust?

    trust2

    Whom or what do you trust? I suggest that this is one of the central questions for living in the 21st century.

    What information to you accept as authentic so as to guide you in responding to the difficulties of this century. Most people are in data overload. For example, if I do a Google search on any given topic, I will almost certain find a million hits (in 0.98 seconds!), and I won’t know what “hit” to trust.

    Yet I am frequently aware of how tenuous is my grasp of the complexity of modern life. More and more I rely on others to provide me with accurate assessments (and that they are relying further on others to provide them with accurate assessments). It is such a conundrum.

    Over the past hundred years, we have begun to reach the limits of our current form of civilization based on power, technology, and consumerism. There has been huge inequity in how we treat ourselves as human beings, and huge duplicity in the many examples of greed and mismanagement (on my earlier post Reflections On Hope, Part 1, I listed many examples).

    So what is there to do, especially when many people now are at risk of burnout as we confront the issues of global warming. And global warming is only the symptom of the many issues to be resolved.

    The TIC Process

    The current way in which most people validate new information is to use what is called a TIC process. They translate (T) the new information into language they can understand more easily, they interpret (I) into their own system of meaning, and then they corroborate (C) this meaning with groups that they already trust. For example, if I want to process information about new electric cars, I translate (T) the information into my current understanding of cars, think about (I) what cars mean to me, and then go ask (C) my friends what they think about electric cars.

    That can work well for many simple issues. But it falls down in a number of ways.

    • Human beings respond best to issues that develop quickly — witness how quickly we respond to fires and/or tsunamis. However, the development of climate change is so slow that, from year to year, it is difficult to convince oneself that there has been a change. It is therefore hard to recognize to what extent we live in dangerous times. And if I ask others to corroborate, they are in the same dilemma.
    • Another factor is the process of pluralistic ignorance, a situation wherein an individual (often the majority of people) privately rejects a norm or behavior, but incorrectly assume that most others accept it, and therefore the individual goes along with the behavior so as to “fit in.”

    For example, if I see someone lying on the side of the street, and simultaneously note that passersby are simply walking around the individual, I am also highly likely to walk around also — I will assume the person is drunk or some such. But what may have actually happened is that the first person to respond simply assumed that the individual was drunk, and walked by. Then the second person saw this, and also walked by, and so on, creating a cascade effect in which a person having a stroke or seizure (or other) is ignored.

    As human beings, we are very reluctant to step out of our preconditioned responses. In Public Perception of Future Threats to Humanity …, the research indicates “a majority (54%) rated the risk of our way of life ending within the next 100 years at 50% or greater, and a quarter (24%) rated the risk of human beings being wiped out at 50% or greater.” Yet where is the massive social response?

    • Then, to what extent is my trusted group knowledgeable or biased? Consider the issues about Donald Trump — I will get very different answers of those I ask depending upon their political background. Politics is such a diverse field that it is difficult to get useful corroboration.

    Combine all this with the disinformation scandals (the tobacco industry, the agribusiness industry, the fossil fuel industry, et cetera) that have been propagated over the past fifty years, then it is no wonder that we have such a slow response to global warming. Our world has become so complex.

    We need a different way of evaluating information. For example, Steven Pinker in The World is Not Falling Apart (2014 Dec 22) suggests that “an evidence-based mindset on the state of the world would bring many benefits.” There is some truth in this, but in my many years of being a physician, I have seen too many examples of misrepresentation in so-called “evidence-based medical practice.” It is an accurate truism for me that “believing is seeing,” not “seeing is believing.”

    In the next post, I will discuss what I myself trust.

    To be continued.

  • The Management of Burnout

    burnout3
    Burnout is best prevented, but still treatable.

    In the previous post The Nature of Burnout — Part 2, I indicated that burnout is the predictable long-term outcome resulting from over-functioning in the third limb of emotional triangles. To describe the management of burnout thus is quite simple:

    • Stop the over-functioning
    • Operate from the principle of: High intention; Low attachment

    However to do this requires that the individual has resolved his or her personal difficulties, those difficulties that pull the individual into the third limb of the triangle. As a therapist, I had ongoing opportunity to explore this process; I used to tell people that I was being paid to do my own personal growth.

    Therapy is a complex process. It is a relationship between two people wherein they explore the personal pain of the “client,” with the therapist as the “resource.” But all clients come with the hidden agenda that the therapist will fix the issue with which the client is struggling. (The long-term clients would say that the client was responsible for the issue, but the hidden agenda was still “fix me.”) And while doing so “fixing,” the client will do his or her best to resist and/or sabotage the therapist. Furthermore, it is relatively easy for the therapist to get caught in this agenda, especially if the therapist is invested in the issue. Sounds complicated, right? Yah!

    therapy1As the therapist, my attitude was essentially that I was there both to support the client and, more importantly, to challenge the client — to create an experience wherein the client had the opportunity to experience the internal conflict associated with the issue. I was not especially interested in talking about the issue, as compared with creating a dynamic which frustrated the client, while at the same time, doing so in an environment of safety. Thus, for me, I treated the third limb (client and issue) as a guitar string. My job was to tweak the guitar string, and make a sound. What the client did with the sound was of little interest to me — that was the responsibility of the client.

    I used to tell people that I had three rules when working with them:

    1. I would do no more than 50% of the work (occasionally more, but not reliably so),
    2. if at all possible we would have fun (people learn better when they are having fun), and
    3. if anyone was to be frustrated, guess who (because it was not going to be me).

    In so functioning, I had high intention (to assist the client), but no attachment that I would do so — I was response-able for my own integrity, but I was not accountable for the client’s outcomes or life.

    The management of burnout requires the following:

    • acceptance of authentic powerlessness
      • I must be clear as to that for which I am responsible, am accountable, and have authority
        • I must be aware and watchful of the enticement to be accountable for the larger system
      • having an appropriate vision of what is my role in a given system
        • my focus must be on my own integrity, even though my contribution may be to the greater good of the system
          • I must be able to congratulate myself for having achieved the outcomes I want, even though nothing happens within the larger system
        • I must provide myself with significant self-care — so that I do not rely entirely on the larger system to provide reward to me
          • this means that I manage my own emotional energy, especially when the system is not functioning effectively
            • if I am angry or frustrated, this means I am invested in the third limb! Clarity is needed, not passion
          • other aspects to which I can attend include:
            • write a lot in a journal, even if just scribbling (writing discharges energy more effectively than typing on a screen)
            • do anything small that makes a difference
            • find a supportive community, one focused on authenticity

    There are other things I can do, but for me, these are the basics.

  • The Nature of Burnout, Part 2

    Burnout1Apologies to my readers — I indicated in the first post The Nature of Burnout, Part 1 that there would be a second, and I got distracted. So here we go.

    To review what I said last time, “burnout occurs when I am overly invested in outcomes I cannot control — sooner or later, I become exhausted, and I call it burnout. Burnout therefore is a measure of the extent that I have not accepted my own powerlessness in life.”

    And: the resolution is effective leadership, in particular that leaders lead others, they manage themselves. In leading others in a particular project or direction, they encourage followers who want to do the work of the project, and therefore do not need to be pushed. As well, the leader manages him- or herself, focusing on the positive features (of self and other) that are controllable, and finding creative ways to utilize the negative features that are always present (again, of self and other).

    My best way of examining both burnout and leadership is via the concept of emotional triangles as described in the last posting The Nature of Emotional Triangles. Burnout occurs because of over-functioning, being inappropriately or excessively invested in the third limb of emotional triangles.

    Self-differentiation versus burnout

    Healthy responses, those of self-differentiation, are responses that are within the control of the individual. The individual (#1) can take a stand regarding an issue, or can extend care (love) into relationships with people (#2), or can work to clarify the nature of the issue (i) for that individual. All of this requires courage, often stepping out of the cultural rules of how to behave “in public.” Alternatively, the individual play with the emotional energy contained within the triangle; learning to play with emotionality is probably the most complex skill to be gained by individuals (it took me about ten years to be satisfied with my ability to play).

    Unhealthy responses to a situation are those wherein the individual (#1) attempts to control others, or the ways in which another responds to an issue (i) — these are interventions into the third limb of the emotional triangle, and in the long term are ineffective. Per se, these types of interventions are common, and as long as the other person (#2) chooses to be cooperative (they are getting paid, they like the outcome, et cetera), there is no problem. The difficulty occurs when the other does not want to cooperate (consider the example of parents interacting with angry teenagers). At this point, an intervention into the third limb becomes ineffective, resulting in resistance, and ultimately a place of stuckness where the first person exhausts him- or herself.

    This is a common source of burnout

    Another major difficulty occurs when three management concepts are out of balance or are misinterpreted: responsibility, accountability, authority.

    • responsibility (response-ability) is the ability to respond — to have the skill to deal with whatever is the issue or task. It can be taught to others (if they are interested), but not given away per se.
    • accountability is the obligated need to accomplish a task, either by oneself or delegated to another. Accountability can be delegated, but not circumvented, to those capable of response-ability.
    • authority refers to permission to accomplish a task. Again, it can be delegated but not circumvented.

    Imagine you are accountable for a project, but have no authority to accomplish it. You need resources, but have no way to obtain them. What will happen, especially to you? Or, imagine you have authority and accountability for a task, but no skill (nor is there anyone available who is skillful). What will happen to you?

    When these three functions are mismatched, the individuals concerned are at high risk of burnout. And in my therapy practice, I encountered many examples “in the real world” where they were mismatched!

    Coming next: The Management of Burnout

  • The Nature of Emotional Triangles

    The basic emotional triangle.
    The most important diagram of my life.

    Apologies to my readers — I indicated in an earlier post The Nature of Burnout, Part 1 that there would be a second, and I got distracted. However, to do the topic justice, I need to discuss the nature of emotional triangles first. So here we go.

    In looking over what I have written in the past few months, I am surprised that I have given so little attention to this concept, a core concept in how I respond to life. Briefly I described them earlier in “You Should, Part 3 (Emotional Triangles).” This concept is actually my best way of examining many concepts, especially both burnout and leadership.

    An emotional triangle is any two people and a third person or issue (human beings relate both to people and issues). An important aspect of the triangle is what is called the third limb, the side of the triangle that I do not directly touch. It is a relative term, referring to the side opposite any given person; for example, in the triangle involving me, you and this posting (the issue), my third limb is the relationship between you and the posting; your third limb is the relationship between me and the posting. Thus, given the number of people in my life, and the number of issues (my own and those of others), I (and every person) exist in thousands of interlocking emotional triangles (the number of emotional triangles increases exponentially as more people and/or issues are added). The interlocking is what we refer to as stability, but it is also our stuckness — systems by definition attempt to maintain stability.

    There are three laws of emotional triangles (with corollaries), applicable to any emotional triangle:

    1. I can only change myself, and my relationships with others. I cannot change others.
      • When I become anxious of others and attempt to change them (the third limb), the results are not predictable.
      • Unless the other chooses to cooperate, the other will resist, and eventually do the opposite of what I want.
      • As a result of this resistance, my exposure to pain will increase.
    2. If I change, others must change. We are connected.
      • If my change is effective in responding to the system, others will sabotage me; they will resist my change (because they will also be required to change).
      • Sabotage will occur even if my change adds health to the system (systems have an inherent need to remain stable).
    3. Change requires I stay connected.
      • My presence impacts others. If I leave, the system will revert to its original state (unless my original impact was so great that the system has established a new equilibrium as a result).
      • The essential skill is for me to remain non-anxious as the system responds, especially as sabotage occurs.

    SerenityOperationally, this is the Serenity Prayer in action (God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference). What the Serenity Prayer does not identify is that the sabotage is predictable, and actually guaranteed to the extent that my change is effective in response to the system. It is a measure of success!

    Although these laws may seem very simple, they are also incredibly subtle in how they play out in life; they had a major impact on my life once I learned how to live them. I will have more to say on this when I do some posts on the work of Ed Friedman, one of my major mentors (now deceased). Ed wrote three books, all of which I strongly recommend to anyone interested in emotional process:

    • (1985) Generation to generation: Family process in church and synagogue. New York, NY: Guilford.
    • (1990) Friedman’s Fables. New York, NY: Guilford.
    • (2007) A failure of nerve: Leadership in the age of the quick fix. M. M. Treadwell, & E. W. Beal, Eds. New York, NY: Seabury Books.1990

    The essential skill of leadership and of managing burnout is to recognize the predictability of sabotage, and to remain non-anxious as I respond further.

    To re-iterate what I said in The Nature of Burnout, Part 1:

    Leaders lead others; they manage themselves.

    Coming next: The Nature of Burnout, Part 2

  • Reflections on Hope, Part 2

    Focus on what you can control about what matters.
    It is easy to become overwhelmed.

    In the last post, I reviewed the negative forces that I believe impact the likelihood of catastrophe as the outcome of global warming. I want now to reflect on the positives concerning my hope for a mature culture.

    As stated, I strongly believe that, if we are to survive as a species, we must more towards maturity; we must move towards:

    • the many features of justice and love that have been advocated over the centuries (the features that represent our greatness as a species), and
    • the ability to have power over the processes of power (the nemesis that has plagued our civilizations for thousands of years).

    In the past few years, I have often stated that, as individuals, human beings are capable of incredible greatness, but as a species we are psychotic.

    There are many positives, but unfortunately they are not as easy to describe as the negatives. My struggle in this post is to organize the positives in such a way as to convey hope. Here I define hope as “evidence in the present for what I seek in the future.”

    The positive forces include:

    • large numbers of people and organizations making headway in technology, social justice, and other forms of cultural transformation.
      • In particular, Gilding in The Great Disruption (2011) notes of human beings: “They were slow, but not stupid.”
    • the huge diversity in the creative ways in which change is beginning to occur in our civilization, thus increasing the possibility of self-organizing systemic change.
      • major advances in science and technology.
      • much better understanding to complex systems, leading to better understanding of resilience and sustainability.
      • much more powerful theological understandings and challenges, with an emphasis on community and correction of systemic injustice.
      • many examples of the convergence of science and spirituality. For example, Shinzen Young[1] notes: “the world of rigorous science and the world of deep meditation have begun a courtship dance.. . . a new knowledge powerful enough to rapidly alter the course of human history for the better.”
    • numerous social challenges by diverse organizations, ranging from 350.org to native communities, seeking greater attention to ecology and the dangers of global warming.
      • It is essential that these forces affiliate, but it is equally important that they provide diversity, so as to provide the opportunity for creative resolutions to difficult issues.
    • the recognition that profound change usually comes out of left field. It is not predictable how and when it will happen. As example, I think of the many times in my life that major change occurred in a day or less when events came together in synchronistic ways. This was true of the mystical experiences I had, and it was also true of both my decision to settle in Orangeville Ontario (1992) as a therapist, and my developing a day retreat center (1996) for anger management — profound change within hours.

    When I look over the above, it does not look like much in the way of evidence! Much of it is very subjective.

    I am also influenced by my own mystic experiences that have been transformative of my life, especially that of a three-year period of Cosmic Consciousness, an experience of profoundly knowing that “all shall be well,” a trust in the goodness of the universe.

    Furthermore, I am very aware that to live into the power of the negatives is to create a self-fulfilling prophesy that we are all doomed anyway, so why bother? I am not willing to do this; thus I choose to be active in response.

    However, each person will have to struggle with their own despair in this horrendous issue. I have deep compassion for this struggle — in my dissertation, I noted a statement of the 17th century scientist-philosopher Blaise Pascal: “those who study acedia do not come away unscathed.”

    It is helpful to me to remember that the Chinese pictogram for crisis is a combination of the symbols for danger and for opportunity. There is also the Chinese curse: May you live in interesting times!

    I believe that my primary journey as a human being is to become more loving — and the issues of global warming certainly provide that interesting opportunity. I hope we will survive (and thrive in) these dangerous times, but I also recognize it seems like a coin toss as to what will really happen.

    Onward — what are the blocks that stop human beings from maturing.

    [1] Unsolicited email, 2016 September 9, Shinzen Young on The Science of Enlightenment. http://www.soundstrue.com/store/the-science-of-enlightenment-4028.html?utm_source=bronto&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=R160909-Young&utm_content=Shinzen+Young+on+The+Science+of+Enlightenment&_bta_tid=03664472911054719897476254701099948306789889130588936207319080890795520&_bta_c=e94jagz6u5gkgkt5ov9doso5l5l82.