Awakening From Your Anger

Category: Who Is Dave?

  • Being A Resource Seeking A Need, Part 4

    contribution6
    The difficulty is to match the pieces.

    These few posts are on the difficulty I have being retired — I still want to contribute, but largely I find myself being a resource looking for a need. Wanting to contribute has been a life-long pattern for me; most of my career choices have resulted from this. (Most of my relationship issues arose because I did not know how to relate to others — only in the past twenty years have I been more successful in relationship — most of the time).

    I also did my PhD from this perspective of needing to contribute. I wanted to take my work to a higher level (unsuccessful), and I wanted to research the issues that had limited me as a therapist (successful).

    These issues — laziness and fearfulness on the part of clients (I later added self-righteousness) — showed up with about 25% of clients; people would attend regularly to my therapy groups (sometimes for years), but some would sit like bumps on a log, almost never openly engaging in their own work. Some would do work, but somehow never at the depth needed.

    Without being pejorative or judgmental, I came to think of these people as affected by laziness or fearfulness. If given simple tasks, they would forget or be too busy (laziness) or they might tell me of being afraid of the consequences of doing the tasks (fearfulness). Nothing I did as a therapist would change this. For example, I recall one guy who worked for me for four years, almost never actively participating, when one day, he spontaneously said: “I finally get it. I have to do the work! You can’t do it for me.” Wow.

    As I studied these issues, I came to think of laziness and fearfulness as spiritual or existential issues. They were simply life choices as to attitude, choices made to avoid the pain of living. My only resource as therapist was to challenge the client — by pointing out the pattern. If then the client chose to do the work, to act in spite of the laziness or fearfulness, the work was relatively easy. If the client chose not to do so, there was nothing I could do besides acceptance and the provision of safety.

    Because of my knowledge of emotional triangles, I was very aware of the maxim: Don’t push the River; it flows by itself. (However, from time to time, I do get caught wanting to push.)

    emotionsmapWhen I still worked as a therapist, most of my work was with anger management, but the processes I used were easily translated to all emotions. For me, emotions are simply life energy to which I give meaning and direction. If I believe I am not safe because of what you are doing (and still have some sense of my own power), but meanwhile I believe that you are more powerful than I am, I call my energy fear (F) — I want to move away from you. If I believe I am more powerful than you, likely I will call my energy anger (A) — I want to move against you. Or, if I sink down (usually because of internal conflict), I call my state sad (S). Thus, when in explaining emotions to others, I diagram them with a circular graph (wherein I also include joy).

    I make a major distinction concerning emotions when I feel powerless. Here I experience my emotions as much stronger, perhaps overwhelmed by the intensity — I give them different names: terror (T), rage (R), despair (D), and ecstasy (E).

    acediamapThe issues I wanted to study for my PhD (laziness, fearfulness, and self-righteousness) are also emotions, although they are usually described as behaviors. They would show up with particular clients — people who would attend regularly (sometimes for years), but somehow would not engage in the work. Nothing I did as a therapist would change this.

    As I studied these issues, I came to think of laziness and fearfulness as spiritual or existential issues. They were simply life choices as to attitude, choices made to avoid the pain of living; these choices occur when we are chronically overwhelmed by our emotions — we numb out, and thus these states come to seem like behaviours.

    This research into laziness and fearfulness (together with self-righteousness) eventually became a study of acedia, an ancient term, but one that I recognized as consistent with any combination of laziness, fearfulness and/or self-righteousness which interfered with authenticity. It also confirm my recognition of the difficulty of laziness and fearfulness (as well as self-righteousness) as a spiritual-existential issue, and deepened my appreciation for the struggle to be human. (One outcome of all this was my second book Acedia, The Darkness Within.)

    These experiences (emotions/behaviors) are also the features of burnout. In the complexity of our modern world, it is easy to feel powerless, to feel overwhelmed, and to move into acedia and burnout. (I have previously described acedia and burnout in more detail in previous postings — five on acedia commencing 20160730 and three on burnout commencing 20160829.)

    To be continued.

  • Being A Resource Seeking A Need, Part 3

    contribution6
    The difficulty is to match the pieces.

    In these posts, I am exploring the impact of retirement, that of being a resource looking for a need. Potentially, retirement (re-attire-ment) is a change to a new direction in my life. It is an interesting exploration, but because of the difficulty of finding a new way to be a resource, it is not very satisfying. However, as always, life is in evolution.

    In the last post, I indicated that up until the 1980s, therapy was a field that varied from brilliance to abusive. In my own work, I strived to practice the brilliance. Therapy itself is about risking — the client was/is generally seeking resolution of major life issues, wherein there is no set pattern or protocol. At the same time, the client is always intent (at an other-than-conscious level) on avoiding this life issues — because of the pain they represent.

    My job as therapist was often to be supportive while at the same time, in metaphoric fashion, I was setting a trap that reproduced the difficulty with which the client struggled. The traps challenged the client to be authentic, and to find creative resolution to the issues. Sometimes the work was very gentle, but at other times, it could be very confronting. Yet always I was seeking authenticity of experience. As therapist, I would often risk as much as the client, wherein the traps I set could have been misinterpreted by an outside observer. But I worked well, and many people wanted to work with me.

    Overall, I practiced under the radar. The field of therapy was becoming much more regulated, and risk aversive. On several occasions, the ways in which I worked with people were challenged by hierarchies, and I was able to successfully defend myself. But I was aware that I was gradually restricting the ways in which I worked with people. Still good work, but … (defensive driving is generally a good thing, but defensive therapy is not).

    I actually wrote my first book Blowing Out The Darkness as a result of this. One day, I received an unsolicited email advertisement from someone who claimed that they had the best anger management program in North America. But in the body of the text, it also said that the methodology was not effective for the “more hardened characters.” I took offense at this, and said to myself “Bull. My process is effective!” I was also aware of the arrogance of the email, discounting the “more hardened characters” because the program was ineffective. Hence, my book.

    Thus, I was able to contribute in ways that were very satisfying to me. In many respects, these years were the happiest and most satisfying of any in my life.

    As well, during my career as therapist, I attempted on a number of occasions to take my work to a higher level, to a larger audience, but for reasons that still elude me, I was unsuccessful. Opportunities arose to work with the Canadian Army, the American Army, Air Canada, and a number of other organizations but always they faded. People said they liked my work and my book, and that they would get back to me, but somehow they didn’t. Perhaps someone criticized me in the background, or perhaps people wanted more of a quick fix. And again, people have busy lives — that was the explanation given in a few cases.

    I also did my PhD from this perspective. Again, I wanted to take my work to a higher level, and I thought that by getting back into an academic environment, I would find a way to network more effectively. I also wanted to research the issues that had limited me as a therapist, those of laziness and fearfulness.

    To be continued.

  • Being A Resource Seeking A Need, Part 2

    contribution6
    The difficulty is to match the pieces.

    These few posts are on the difficulty I have being retired — I still want to contribute, but largely I find myself being a resource looking for a need. I suspect that such difficulties are common in our society.

    Being a therapist I had a designated doing. For 25 years, I ran a small day-based retreat center with my wife, predominantly engaged in teaching anger management, as well as relationship skills. Over this time, I worked with over 4000 people (mainly in group therapy); I presented over 300 workshops, and ran up to 5 ongoing weekly therapy groups.

    I was a very effective therapist, and I was very satisfied with my work, in my ability to work with and be a resource to those struggling with life issues. My clients ranged from practicing therapists (in later years, about 25% of my caseload) to people mandated to come — others had power (usually legal) over them.

    People came from all walks of life, about a third of them required by the courts because of domestic violations (equally men and women — it is/was a myth for me that domestic violation is a gender issue). It was also a myth that these people were somehow bad, or different from the general population. In some respects, they were healthier than average, having “chosen: to work on their issues.

    Over the years, one probation officer sent me over sixty clients; eventually he found that only two re-offended after coming to my anger weekend — a single weekend in which they changed their lives. For me, that is an incredible statistic.

    Every few months, someone who had attended one of these weekend workshops (years before) would come to my office and spontaneously thank me — again as a result of a single weekend, they had made profound changes in their lives. A number of these clients had been to as many as six previous anger management programs; one said “No therapist has ever gotten into my head and to the root of my anger like David has.”

    Amazing. And very satisfying.

    Because of results like these, I was very aware of my ability to contribute. I know I am effective; I know that what I teach works. Yet, once I retired, I lost much of the ability to be such a resource.

    During my career, I observed how people would slowly evolve over a few years. And I also observed how I was evolving. Especially I used to tell people that, as a therapist, I was being paid to do my own personal growth.

    The work that I did predominantly came from my own growth — an essential component of good therapy. Therapy is not an intellectual exercise — it is a relationship between two people in which they explore the difficulties of living.

    Yet, I am very grounded in intellect. I actually have six university degrees (BSc, MSc, MD, CRCPC, MA-ABS, PhD) as well as many diplomas in diverse subjects (cooking, hospitality, various therapies, amongst others). As a teenager, I started out to be a theoretical astrophysicist (think Stephen Hawking). Synchronicity kept leading me in different directions, shifting to biophysics, medicine, anesthesia, and eventually psychotherapy. I also kept having difficulties with relationships, having totally shut off my emotionality because of Family of Origin pain. Such explorations and difficulties generally became part of my own growth.

    Simultaneously, I had a number of mystical experiences that transformed me. These together with the events of synchronicity that seemed to guide me deepened my sense of trust in the universe. Because of past experiences, I had had little use of the belief systems of religiosity, but simultaneously a deep sense of trust in Spirit.

    The most important of these mystical experiences was a three year period of continuously being in a state called Cosmic Consciousness (see the 1899 book of the same title by Maurice Bucke, MD), an experience of profound peace that developed over six months and then faded over the next two and a half years. But then I went into five years of despair because I did not know what to do with this CC experience.

    Synchronicity led me again into good experiential therapy, and I managed to work with a number of world-class therapists as I transformed my life in ways that still astound me. And, as my skills developed, I came to appreciate how limited most therapy was, and how risk-aversive most therapists were.

    Up until the 1980s, therapy had been an unregulated, wild and crazy field, with many options. Some of these options were undoubtedly dangerous, some were frankly abusive, but many were brilliant in the ways in which they challenged people to mature in wisdom. Fortunately I found the brilliance.

    To be continued.

     

  • Being A Resource Seeking A Need

    contribution6
    The difficulty is to match the pieces.

    I’m retired, and I find now that essentially I am being a resource looking for a need. Periodically I find something I can do, something to pass the time, but seldom do I find a way that I can contribute. I suspect that this is typical of many people who are retired. I also suspect that anyone who is unemployed (involuntarily retired) struggles with these issues. So I invite the reader to think about your own life, and what you offer.

    In this post and the next three or four, I’m going to tell the story of how my work has evolved. And of how I still seek to be a resource.

    In retrospect I have always been a resource looking for a need. I am also very aware that there are two types of resources:

    • contribution (gifting), and
    • seduction (wanting something in return)

    And it is always a mixture. In my case, I predominantly want to contribute, but if I make a little money in the process, it is bonus — I like to have the occasional treat.

    Another way I have said this is that there are only two things I can do with people.

    • I can give them a gift of my time or my energy.
      • A gift has no price tag, absolutely none, not even a thank you! Yet I gain merit (personal valuation) from gifts — part of the paradox of life!
    • I can do something for which I expect reciprocity (a transaction for payment!).
      • I do not gain merit from this; I resent when I don’t get paid!

    For me, maintaining clarity concerning these two is absolutely essential to effective living.

    So what is my need to contribute.? Principally to be complete in my life, to be used up in the process of living. In essence God (life, mystery, the universe — whatever word you want to use) has gifted me, and I want to gift back. As far as I can tell, it seems to be a fundamental human need.

    But in particular, I find that I am still looking for a need to which I can be a resource. I strongly believe that at some deep level within our society there is a huge need for what I have to offer, but I have yet to find a way to access it. Because of my work as a therapist, I am convinced that our world is also very afraid of what I offer — in-depth authenticity.

    Retirement is an interesting word. If you think about recreation as re-creation, a shift to a new mode of being, then re-tirement is meant to be a new clothing, a transformation to a new way of being. Ideally, the process coincides with the late life transition to eldership.

    I certainly find that my last few years have been in the nature of a transition. But I had not expected it to be so painful. My mid-life transition was very painful, and I had done immense personal growth since that time. I easily recall a number of times when I thought the next transition would be relatively easy. Not so!

    My Western society is also very poor at transitions; there are almost none of the initiation rites of passage that are present in indigenous societies (and so essential to healthy living). In particular, my society regards retirement as a mythical state where one plays golf all day and is supposed to be happy — such a load of crap wherein the skills of a lifetime are discarded.

    To be continued.

  • A Week of Unusual Contemplative Practice

    contactimprov3
    Meeting in spontaneity.

    As of tomorrow, I will be off to a week of unusual contemplative practice; I’m attending a workshop on Contact Improvisation, a dance form characterized by interaction, physical contact, and spontaneity. I’ve only had a brief introduction previously, but I very much enjoyed the combination of high energy and peacefulness in the process.

    I call it contemplative practice partly because the center where I am going blends vipassana meditation, tai chi, and dance practice. The facilitator also acknowledges that, like vipassana: “On the rare occasions that I can maintain this awareness [of practice] while dancing, the dancing is most rewarding, soft, subtle, fast but gentle.”

    For me, some form of contemplative practice is essential to personal maturity as well as cultural maturity. But contemplative practice is not easily understood in our modern fast-paced society. It is not a quick fix!

    In one sense, contemplative practice is the practice and development of awareness, a term that is also not well understood, but a process that was the mainstay of my professional life. My original training as a therapist was in Gestalt Therapy, a therapy that emphasized awareness, contact, and personal responsibility. So, if I ask someone what he or she is aware of, I will often be told what that person is thinking; this is specifically not what I am seeking.

    Awareness is attention to one’s spontaneously emerging perceptions — it is awareness of the details of the sensory world (both the outside world and that inside the body); it is the data underlying what the individual is thinking (wherein the individual blends this sensory data with past experience to create the current story they are thinking). Contact is the active meeting of the world at this sensory interface, and personal responsibility is both response-ability and account-ability, being available to this meeting.

    Nowadays, contemplation goes by many names; it is called mindfulness, meditation, prayer, amongst other terms. Common to all religious systems, it often has (and historically had) overtones of prayer, but need not; in the past decade, it has very much entered mainstream psychology, and is a major skill for the individual so as to center him- or herself. Mindfulness is almost the latest buzzword of psychology.

    shipatseaMy best way of describing all this is via a metaphor — that of a sailing ship. Imagine an old-fashioned sailing ship, with sails, helm and rudder, potentially managed by an effective Captain and a crew of well-organized Sailors. What would happen to such a ship if there were no helm or rudder? It would drift with the wind. Or such a ship without sails? It would go nowhere. No wind, and even with sails and rudder, it would flounder. Plus the ship needs a good Captain and a well-trained crew.

    Now — considering yourself as this ship, what within you corresponds to the rudder and helm? the sails? the wind? a Captain? the sailors? My answers:

    • the helmsman-helm-rudder system: the conscious mind, able to guide the ship once effective decisions are made (and mutiny is no longer an option).
    • the sails: my other-than-conscious mind, that component of myself that actually does the work, the source of my life energy and my vitality.
    • the wind: from whence comes the origin of my life energy. Depending on interpretation, this could be a deeper realm of the other-than-conscious, or it could be my interface with Spirit/Creator/… (your choice).
    • the sailors: my inner chatter to myself, principally the means by which I are aware of my other-than-conscious mind. The transformation of the sailors from that of mutiny (this is a very common situation for many people) to that of an effective working crew is one of the major skills necessary to maturity).
    • the captain: essentially my decision maker, ideally my wise one. This is who I am when I function in the way which really satisfies me, a person with authentic personal power.

    Please note that in all this, the goal is that of integration of conscious and other-than-conscious (a life-long task). Also note that the main source of power comes from the other-than-conscious, be that simply the depth of one’s interiority and/or from a deeper source called God (for lack of a better term).

    The importance of contemplative practice is that it accesses this other-than-conscious — in a secular sense, the depth of one’s interiority, in a spiritual sense, the deeper source called God. So, aside from the fact that the week will likely be great fun (important in itself), it is this that I seek in the coming week of contemplative practice as contact improvisation.

  • Whom Do You Trust? (Part 2)

    trust2
    Trust is learned by risking!

    In the last post, I suggested that the most important question of the 21st century is: “Whom or what do you trust?” Our culture is in data overload, giving major attention to the latest “scientific research” and the latest expert, yet not valuing our own wisdom.

    I was struck by the following statement in the opening of the latest on-line course to reach my desk: “For centuries most emotions were demonized, viewed as weaknesses and avoided at all costs. But recent research has proven how emotion can be a powerful tool in shaping our connection to others and motivating us to change. [emphasis added]” Yes, emotions were demonized, but why do we need “recent research” to prove the value of emotions — is it not obvious?

    My searching for what to trust

    I have six university degrees, all of them in some field of science — 21 years of exposure to world knowledge and 73 years of exposure to life. My major interests are consciousness, spirituality and food-nutrition. In all of this, I am aware of shifting fads, mainly driven by greed, said to be “well researched” or “based on recent research.” Yet these fads are generally driven by premises with which I have long disagreed.

    Despite years of seeking, I have found no better answer to this question of trust than “I trust myself.” But it has taken a lot of personal growth work to get to this point. And I am very fortunate that I have been able to educate myself in diverse fields. Most people are not that lucky.

    I am committed to developing for myself what I call an integrated worldview. I seek a framework for living wherein I am able to fall back on basic principles that guide me in responding to what life offers. This framework must fit with my life experience, and if necessary, I will change the frame to accommodate what life offers. I will not dismiss what life offers so as to hold onto the frame.

    The most effective way in which I have done this is to periodically examine my Truths? list — short statements of my beliefs, revisited every year or so to assess if what I have written is still true for me. I started it almost 30 years ago, and it now comprises over thirty pages. It remains incredibly valuable to me.

    I recognize that there is much that I do not understand (yet is not to be discarded — it is authentically what life offers). Thus, (metaphorically) I carry a large container of “not knowing.” In contrast, much of what I encounter is someone else’s explanation of what life offers — I do discard much of this, unless it offers truth.

    What I trust

    • I trust my Truths?, my searching for understanding.
    • I trust my own experience (which I corroborate with my integrated worldview): my civilization is in trouble; there is massive social inequity (the dynamics of power); there are more people on the roads and in the stores (increasing population); there are more people being anger and frustrated (increasing world stress); the world is getting warmer (global warming).
    • I trust the mystical experiences with which I have been gifted: the universe is greater than I am, and I am not in charge. I trust the events of synchronicity that I have experienced — many unexpected turning points have occurred in my life; they have changed me in untold ways.
    • I trust the universe as based on four basic premises, what I consider as the moral imperatives (mainly as presented by Thomas Berry in The Great Work): community (everything is connected to everything else), diversity (everything is different from everything else), subjectivity (interiority becomes more obvious with complexity), and change (everything changes over time).
      • When these principles are followed, life succeeds. When any one of them is discarded, violations occur.
    • I trust scientific principles, but not scientism. (What is often called science these days is often simply data collection based on a particular premise or bias.) I trust the consensus of knowledgeable people, individuals who are recognized experts in their fields, when the underlying principles are consistent with my worldview.
      • I trust consensus decisions in native or indigenous communities more than I trust such decisions in ivory tower universities or multi-national corporations: some communities are closer to the earth.
    • When the data and/or view does not fit my worldview, yet seems to be consistent with sound science, I hold the information in abeyance, “not knowing.”
    • I trust the dynamics of authentic democracy.
      • As such, authentic democracy requires I trust the dynamics of nonviolent civil disobedience (but there is risk — the more anger, the less nonviolent behavior).
    • I do not trust processes based on the dynamics of power — power corrupts.
      • When basic principles are circumvented so as to validate data, I do not trust such processes.

    I trust others when it is clear to me that they are seeking their own growth.

  • Global Warming: My Stance

    I truly wonder if we will survive as a species.
    I truly wonder if we will survive as a species.

    I’ve been ill for the past week, still somewhat frail — it has given me an opportunity to think about what I really want, and why I am writing this blog. Succinctly, I believe that as a species we are on a suicide mission, and as a culture we are incredibly angry; you only have to look at the American politics to see how angry we are, and you only have to look at other situations to see how frustrated. I want to have a positive impact in changing all this.

    Therapist: anger management

    For almost 25 years, I taught anger management, and I was good. A judge would sometimes specify my weekend program as part of his judgments, to the exclusion of other better-known programs. A Probation Officer send me more that 60 clients for domestic issues over the years — he could only recall two who re-offended (after a while, he kept informal count, and eventually he gave me detailed feedback, published in my book Blowing Out The Darkness). Not all angry people end up with probation issues, but only two poor outcomes out of sixty is astounding.

    During my career, I generally noted that my long-term clients fell into two groups. One group was very active in personal growth, and would change their lives in astounding ways; personal growth itself can be painful — these people would work through the pain, arriving at places in their lives where they were deeply satisfied.

    My Acedia Clients

    The second group was inactive. I came to characterize them as lazy and/or fearful. I am not intending to be pejorative, simply descriptive. By lazy I mean they would say they would do the work, and then produce no results other than excuses. By fearful, they would talk about how painful the work would be if they did it, and that they were afraid of the consequences (they were fearful — this was not fear!).

    I eventually came to the conclusion that these issues were a broad reflection of their (unconscious) refusal to be authentic (so-called existential issues) and/or a refusal to engage in the profound beauty of life (one of my definitions of spiritual). I also know that I had no tools to offer — laziness and fearfulness were choices, and all I could do was to challenge the client to live authentically. (Actually, if the client accepted the challenge, the therapy became easy.)

    PhD: Climate Change

    After about 25 years, I recognized that I needed a break from my career, and the opportunity came for me to do my PhD at a university that emphasized authenticity. I decided that here was my opportunity to study laziness and fearfulness, and started on that journey. (I soon added self-righteousness, and subsumed all three under an ancient word acedia.)

    Early in the course work, we were talking about the current state of our society, especially global warming. Given my first university degree was in physics, I easily understood the science and mechanics of global warming — I recognized we were on a suicide course, the extinction of the human species, no ifs! It is that serious. I was devastated, and it took me almost two years to get out of my despair (now long gone, but with residual sadness). So my dissertation became the relationship between acedia and global warming, eventually resulting in my second book Acedia, The Darkness Within, and the darkness of climate change.

    Travels

    For the next few years, I travelled, and saw a lot of the Caribbean, South America, and some of Europe. I also pondered one of my favorite expressions: “As individual human beings, we are capable of incredible greatness, but as a species, we are psychotic.” (Introverts, especially hermits, are very good at pondering.)

    Global warming is a technological issue, but we do not resolve it. We have known about the issues for approximately 50 years, but we have continued on a path of denial and greed, such that now it might be too late. I hope not, and I intend to live as if it is not too late.

    And global warming is simply the outcome of our hubris as a species. For perhaps millions of years, the Homo species has lived as hunter-gatherers. Ten thousand years ago (a drop in the bucket), we started to create civilizations through the dynamics of power. Eventually came scientific materialism, our marvelous technology, with hidden costs. And in our hubris, we did not want to pay the costs. Hence, we are where we are . . .

    What I Want

    About a year ago, after much vacillation, I decided this was not good enough. This is not how I want to spend my life, pondering. I have skills that are important to this whole struggle.

    The world needs to mobilize its forces to deal with the ills of civilization. I can assist with this, although it is not my strong point. First, it must be mobilized to resolve global warming, likely at the level demonstrated in the States at the beginning of their direct contribution in the 1940s (see The Climate Mobilization). Second, we must create a more humane culture, one that honors the whole of the planet.

    My skill is in being a resource to people who want to do the work. I believe there is a huge amount of anger in the world, even in the people who are doing the work. There is nothing wrong with anger, provided it does not lead to violation, but anger poorly managed leads to burnout, and burnout is not useful to doing the work. And I am very good at the management of both anger and burnout.

    Next: What underlies global warming — the nature of acedia.

    This post is part of what I am calling the core posts for understanding what I am attempting by this blog. For other core posts, click here.

  • Why I do anger management

    So sad.
    So sad.

    In one sense, this post is a digression on my current theme of visioning a mature society. But it also gets to the heart of the matter of how we are to get to this vision. For me, anger is the canary in the coal mine, and it has movement.

    First, what a blog offers me.

    In doing a blog, I am forced by its structure: It needs to be short and fairly concise, neither of which really suits my need to present depth. However, I go in a number of interesting directions.

    • I give major attention to how blogs attract people, a significant learning curve for me.
      • I use more lists and more subheadings — they apparently attract more attention. (Because of information overload, people seek very brief bites of information, thus very stressful and dysfunctional. Efficient, but sad!)
      • I keep the posts relatively short, forcing me to be more precise. Likely a good thing.
    • I use my meditation practice (approximately 40 minutes a day) as a way to reflect; thereby, I access my other-than-conscious mind, a very powerful workhorse for me.
    • In having pause time between blogs, I develop very interesting (to me) side-branches to the themes I want to present.

    So, why anger management?

    I focused on anger management as a therapist largely because anger was so much a part of my own life. With this, I soon came to realize that anger is a part of every life issue. Thus I had the opportunity to study the whole of life.

    In that sense, anger is a window to cultural issues, and is a canary in the coal mine. If you want to improve any situation, augment the positives and diminish the negatives. As applied to mine conditions, for example, you work on a) education for better conditions, and b) improving the ventilation system. But if you don’t change the ventilation, education does little good. From my perspective, if our culture does not deal long-term with the underlying anger in healthy ways, much (all?) of the positive movement is ineffective.

    In addition, anger has movement; it is a push against the environment. Eventually in my therapy practice, I realized that the people who were stuck were either lazy (they wouldn’t do the work) or fearful (they were afraid of the consequences of the work) — I’m not being critical here, simply attempting to identify. So in retirement, I decided to research laziness and fearfulness as the focus of my PhD. (Eventually I subsumed laziness and fearfulness, plus self-righteousness, into the ancient word, acedia.)

    There are two problems with acedia:

    • there is no movement; acedia is a stuck state, and requires an existential choice by the individual that they will not stay stuck; they will move through whatever the issues are.
    • acedia is the dominant factor that has lead to the issues of climate change. As a culture, we have been unwilling to do the work of choosing a world based on justice and health.

    Thus, for me, anger management has been my path to health, both individually and culturally. I’ve learned much thereby, both about the negatives and the positives.

    Now, back to cultural visioning (unless I develop another digression). :)))

    This post is part of what I am calling the core posts for understanding what I am attempting by this blog. For other core posts, click here.

  • Blogs I Follow: Richard Rohr

    Spirituality2

    As you will note under Blogs I Follow, I subscribe to the blog of Richard Rohr at Center for Action and Contemplation (CAC).

    I do so because I find him to be the most spiritually mature individual of whom I am aware. (Overall my previous mentors, listed in my most recent post, also fall into this category.)

    Richard Rohr is a Catholic priest, a Franciscan monk. In 1986 he envisioned CAC as a place where opposites (action and contemplation) are held together, bridging gaps between the spiritual and the justice communities. As a priest, his language is often religious, but the underlying content of what he is writing is deeply spiritual (see my next post for what I mean by spiritual, and how I think it differs from religious).

    Especially I recommend his most recent post: Unconditional and Conditional Love.

  • What has influenced my life? And yours? (Part 2 of 2)

    Playfulness is the key to life.
    Playfulness is the key to life.

    I was asked: Who influenced you the most, in your own inner work, and how? I invite you you the reader to consider also what influenced you the most? This is part 2 of my answer.

    Important Books

    There have been many books (I read a lot), but a few stand out as truly adding to who I am as more than intellectual content (citations are listed in the Media page of my blog, and I will only briefly comment here). These books represent much more than intellectual content for me; they have modified my worldview, how I function in the world.

    • (~1960) Stapledon, Starmaker: the basis of my spirituality.
    • (~1975) Bucke, Cosmic Consciousness: affirmation of profound mystery.
    • (~1985) Fowler, Stages of faith: a focus to my spirituality.
    • (~1985) Peck, The road less traveled: the nature of love.
    • (~1986) Bennis & Nanus, Leaders: clarity on leadership.
    • (~1987) Smuts, Holism: the nature of systems.
    • (~1987) Vaihinger, Philosophy of as-if: the nature of beliefs.
    • (~1987) Watzlawick, Change: learning playfulness.
    • (~1988) Crosby, Living with Purpose When …: a value system.
    • (~1988) Doherty, Poustinia: I am a poustinik.
    • (~1990) Ross, Dancing with a ghost: the nature of paradigms.
    • (~1992) Carse, Finite & Infinite Games: Wow! Such richness.
    • (~2009) de Quincey, Radical knowing: panpsychism, now my ontology.
    • (~2016) Herman, Future primal: the nature of democracy.
    • (~2016) Schmookler, Parable of the tribes: the nature of power.

    Mentors

    There have been six individuals who influenced me deeply, each one because of their authenticity (their own personal growth) and their skill in working with people, all of whom I came to regard as friends (except one, who died shortly after I knew him.) From each, I learned much more than knowledge. In order of occurrence in my life:

    Clark Reed (Transactional Analysis): with whom I first began therapy, wherein I had my first introduction to subpersonalities, which later became my metaphor Sailors On A Ship.

    Jorge Rosner (Gestalt Therapy): a man of great authenticity and compassion, with whom I first trained and who taught me much.

    Gerry Jud (Shalom Mountain): who challenged me and with whom I did most of my depth work of changing my sad story.

    Arthur Kilmurray (Yoga): from whom (together with another body worker Tom Myers) I learned much about body awareness.

    Ed Friedman (Family Systems): a man of vast emotional intelligence, wherein I learned of emotional triangles and the nature of play.

    Christian de Quincey (Consciousness Studies): my research advisor for my PhD, teaching me much of the nature of consciousness and the inconsistencies of modern scientific materialism.

    Who am I?

    Overall (like everyone else) I am a complex creature:

    • a polymath (many gifts),
    • a poustinik (a hermit who is available when asked),
    • a Gestaltist (in action with life),
    • a server ( I have been exploring service for the past few years, initially taking a year of study in Hospitality)
    • I am still learning about relationship and about how to interact with complex systems, amongst many other areas.

    I seek to live that playfulness is the highest skill of human beings. Here I follow two adages:

    • The most successful person is the one who is having the most fun.
    • There is much evidence that life is painful; there is no evidence that it is serious.

    Enjoy!